What Scares You?

Maybe we aren’t supposed to talk about what scares us. Aren’t we supposed to focus on the positive and face our fears without admitting to them?

That’s all fine and good, I guess, but I kinda need to talk about what scares me.

It’s this jump. At Heron Park in Kalispell,Montana, when I was schooling there before The Event at Rebecca Farm.  Actually, that jump confirmed my fear, but I think I’ve been deathly afraid of ditch walls long before I was actually told to go jump one. Which is most likely why I never jumped the ditch wall at Heron Park and instead kept jumping the Trakkener that was before it like a complete imbecile. To the point where my instructor had to yell at me and I lost my shit.
This is not me, nor was what I was supposed to jump nearly this big, but it didn’t matter. I was petrified.

Lucky for me, there wasn’t one when I went Training at Rebecca 5 days later, despite there having been in the past.

But so what? I’m going to have to jump one eventually. I’ve tried talking myself through it, like “the ditch presents a lovely ground line for the vertical wall.” “Georgie is a smart mare with no issues about ditches. She’s not going to fall into the ditch.” “Georgie won’t even notice the ditch because she will see the ground line and wall and you need to relax and get over it.”

All very true. And if we’re being honest, the ditch wall isn’t even the most technically challenging jump we are going to see on course. Or the most dangerous (right? right??).But it’s my bugaboo.

And I’m not sure what to do about it since I don’t see many of them. We do have a lighter version of one at our local xc facility and Georgie had no problem with it. But its not a TRUE ditch wall, so did little for my confidence.

To be honest I know I need to buck up and get over it. And move on. And jump a bunch of them really well and start to enjoy them. (I used to be petrified of maxed out tables and now I hardly notice them on course.) And maybe admitting the fear is part of the healing process too.

So, what scares you? Maybe nows your chance to get out and conquer your fears! God knows I certainly need to!

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15 thoughts on “What Scares You?

  1. emma says:

    soooo….there are some jumps that i’ve refused to jump while schooling (ahem…*trakehners*… ahem) that once they’re on the actual course i’m about to run, i somehow get zen about them. funny how that works….

    really tho, there is *so much* that scares me about eventing. omg so much. related lines with ditches. related lines that bend right (bc we drift left). anything even *close* to being related to the water. uphill jumps (bc being worried about downhill is too trendy lol (jk)). but once it’s on the course i’m walking? well. it’s gonna get jumped or we’ll get eliminated trying!

    Liked by 1 person

    • nadsnovik says:

      Yes! I so agree! If it’s on course I’m like “well it’s on course so we better get er done.” And I hope I still feel that way when a ditch wall is on course!! Schooling gives us so much time to think about it..


  2. The ditch walls look so freaky to me. I won’t have to jump one anytime soon but photographing them is just as scary haha! Downhill jumps freak me out along with bigger fences. When they’re on course I have to suck it up!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amanda C says:

    Giant tables. I hate them. Ditches and stuff don’t bother me, but there’s something about a big solid width that makes me immediately think I’m going to miss my distance and kill my horse.


  4. Oh wow. I wish my fears sounded more badass like yours. I really deeply dislike being off balance and out of control.

    But who doesn’t?


  5. carey says:

    Ditch walls would scare me, too. I don’t event so I don’t really have that fear.
    Trail rides on a new horse scare me. I don’t know how they will react if they spook, so I’m on edge the whole time. Once they spook and I handle it, I’m usually a bit better.


  6. KateRose says:

    Yeah those do look pretty scary! I like to go slow and steady when I ride, so jumping things and going fast are enough to scare the bejeezus outta me most days haha 🙂


  7. shadais says:

    I was afraid of ditch and walls too. Then I realized all they really are is a triple bar. I like triple bars! They give my horse plenty of time to snap her super tight knees to her eyeballs.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. draftmare says:

    Yeah, those kinds of jump scare me. Actually, riding outside of the arena scares me a little bit in general, though not as much as it use to. I just feel like so much could go wrong, and even though the couple of times I fell off while out on trails Sydney just stopped and waited for me to sort myself out…there is always that fear that either she will run off and never be found, or I won’t be able to get myself back to camp if I am injured.


  9. There is something to be said for tackling these kinds of fences when on course– you and your horse’s blood is “up” and I think having the flow and rhythm of the course helps to pull up the big girl pants!


  10. I don’t blame you! I am terrified of Weldon’s Walls too! I hope to take my pony novice at AECs in 2017 and this year there was a brush Weldon’s Wall that was 3’6″ on the NOVICE COURSE! Holy crap…. Im gonna die…
    I love your blog btw! I made sure to like and follow 🙂 I have an equestrian blog too and hopefully we can help support each other?

    Liked by 1 person

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